I used to be a romantic. I'll admit that more recently I have given way to cynicism as opposed to romanticism, but I've been reading Keats as of late and he has me swooning. Regardless, I've been contemplating love recently. And all the conclusions I've come to are honestly disappointing.
In the past few months I've had a string of failed attempts at serious relationships, with a few casual flirtations in between, and the common theme in all of them is a lack of commitment. Don't get me wrong, commitment scares the ever living hell out of me, but simultaneously the thought of having that one other person, that is just that, your person, is appealing. However the majority of guys in my age bracket are more interested in one night stands than wedding bands.
This idea of one night stands brings me to my first thought on love. Love isn't selfish. Love is when you want to be with the person because they are an anomaly in and of themselves, they are them, and you are happy just being with them, knowing them, holding them. But whats all the more common is the selfish version of lust that stems from self gratification. You want the other person because they can give you something, and once that thing is given and received, they are no longer of use. Emotions are disregarded, and the bottom line is that the value of that person is depreciated. But, I don't speak from a place of judgement on the matter. I'm just as guilty of this sad excuse for human affection as the next person. Except it doesn't stem from a particular need for "getting laid", paralyzing commitment issues, or doing it just for the fun of it. It's an attention thing, that stems from a broken heart.
I know that is probably the grossest cliché there can be, but theres a reason clichés exist; they are pretty damn accurate. I won't delve into the details of my own broken heart, but if you inspect the underlying reasons why most people are so unbelievably and undeniably helpless when it comes to love is because of a strong sense of dissatisfaction which often proceeds disappointment and hurt. Maybe you got close to loving someone or at least having some deep connection, but things went south and well, everything turned into a dumpster fire. So, cynicism sneaks in and makes it home burrowed deep in your heart and suddenly the unaddressed sadness begins facading as a sense of aloofness and insincerity. Both of those sly and misleading characteristics lead to a sense of prolonged emptiness, that can be filled momentarily by searching for short term satisfaction, but that is really just like putting a band aid over a bullet hole. For me, the short term satisfaction is the attention thats goes alongside these one night stand type of relationships. That doesn't necessitate that you sleep with the person, it's more along the lines of talking for a few weeks to a few different people, receiving compliments, getting butterflies when you see they responded to your text or snapchat, and looking forward to the possibility of seeing them again. It gives a sense of hopefulness. But the relationship is defined by just the slightest amount of indifference and disregard that it will never become anything serious. And believe me, both parties are very aware of it. So, when one or both people find something newer, better, fresher, the short flirtationship teeters off slowly and it's as if nothing ever happened. The attention stops being given and the cycle begins again because of this desperate need to have something, anything filling that tiny bullet hole to keep it from bleeding out.
Now I know I've ranted for far too long about this, and at this point is usually were you give solution to the problem raised, but that fact is that I have no where near a solid idea as to the blanket solution to this problem. I've considered celibacy, joining some secluded nunnery in the Alps, becoming a hermit, and maybe even just going into a coma, but all of these options (regardless of the practicality of them) have one thing in common: running away from the issue at hand, not addressing it. But I've also considered that maybe it's as straightforward as learning to set aside the hurt as a thing of the past, and be content with aloneness, but of course that is easier said than done. Love in general is easier said than done.